Another Random Post

I had been a fairly consistent atheist for a long time. Despite the fact that my parents and grandparents are/were religious Hindus (though by no means fanatics), I had, since my teen years, always had a tendency to question practically anything that I found inconsistent or awkward. It is ironic, therefore, that while in those fairly pious surroundings I had been steadfast in my disbelief of God, in my current environment of an intensely liberal, 'all that God talk is shite', Canadian university, I have begun to doubt.

Partly, no doubt, this is due to my contrary nature. I have an instinctive desire to take a position that's against the norm (often, even if I fundamentally agree with the prevalent point of view). I have noted that since I came to Canada, my views have shifted distinctly to the right. Of course, given the fact that I was quite a leftist before, this means I am probably merely left-centrist (I certainly wouldn't consider myself right wing), but in my current surroundings, I do seem to stand out as very conservative.

But I digress. As I said, the contrary nature has something to do with it, but perhaps another reason is just that I'm getting older. At the age of 17, the thought of death is so distant as to make everyone believe themselves practically immortal. Just avoid obvious death traps and don't jump in front of any buses and you'll live forever.

All that changes as you get older. I am merely 27, technically in the prime of life. However, in that decade, I have seen both my grandfathers pass away, seen many of the 50 year olds of my childhood visibly age and stoop and been involved in a near death scenario in an auto accident myself. Life no longer seems as eternal as it did 10 short years ago. And with growing conciousness of the reality of mortality there comes the hope that there is something beyond, that this isn't it.

Which brings me to another point. Notwithstanding the fact that I want very much to have an eternal and happy life, if there is no proof of an entity such as God who will provide me with one, isn't it merely wishful thinking !?! Surely the argument, "Well, there is no conclusive proof that there is no God" is rather inadequate. How can I justify belief in something that, at the heart of it, has no proof !?!

Well, for one thing, as has been stated so often elsewhere, it is in the realm of belief precisely because there isn't proof. And as beliefs go, it's a nice one to have. If I am to die, and we all are, I would rather face death believing that there is happiness beyond than with the miserable, sinking feeling that my inconsequential and pointless life, in which I barely got to realise a mere fraction of all that the world had to offer, will forever end.

Furthermore, from what I have seen thus far, people have to believe in something. People seem unable to accept that they are the best there is out there. They (or rather we) feel the urge to bow to something superior to ourselves. And no one seems to be spared this. For instance, the aforementioned left-wing atheists (of which I am/used-to-be one) who sneer at the pious themselves tend to believe in a whole lot of nonsense that has very little proof to back it up - such as their cornerstone belief of large scale socialism, or even communism. It is, without a doubt, an idea that has bombed spectacularly, but many of these 'skeptical' atheists refuse to give it up. It is as if, having turned their backs on God (or gods) they have promptly given themselves up to the worship of the State. All told, therefore, it seems that there is no escape from the need to believe. So why not believe in some Entity out there who tells you to be kind and to love your neighbour !?!

This is not an anti-atheist rant. If you don't believe in God, fair enough. If you do, again, good for you. It is merely the musing of a somewhat confused 27 year old who has begun to look at the world with a different perspective than one he had held for most of his life.