I had to rant some more about the people I overheard on the bus yesterday, but I hadn't much more to say about them specifically. So I wrote a story about someone like them as a protagonist. It is, on reflection, the meanest article I have written to date and I'm not sure I like it. But it's vented my rage and I'm kinda sorta normal again. Enjoy, or not:
So I got this address of a prostitute from a pal two weeks ago, because I had turned 26 and was still a virgin and that's against God's will. I called her up and we agreed to meet at the local Starbuck's to talk and set up a "date" as she put it. I thought it was unnecessary, but she said she preferred it this way because she wanted to "make it more than just a physical thing" for her customers. So I thought I would go along with it. After all, I wanted to make sure she was worth fucking before I committed myself. I imagine I would get fairly pissed off if I were to go to her boudoir and get naked and then have her come out and find she was ass ugly. So, anyway, I walked into the place and looked around and I saw her. I was almost certain it was her of course, because all the other girls in the place were titless. Oh, apart from that half Latino barista, and I'm pretty sure she was not the one. Her face was a turn off. Anyway, back to the whore. Like I said, I was almost certain. But I had to make sure, of course. So I asked her, "Are you the whore I will be fucking !?!" And the bitch went all, "Shhh..." and looked around all embarassed. Because, you know, she was just racist and did not want to be seen as a servicer of brown guys. I was having none of that shit. I have my pride. So I said, "Well !?!" And she went all red and quiet and said, "Yes... yes..". And I said, "Good. Time and place please." And she gave me her address and said, "I'm free on Tuesday between 5 and 7." Having finished the "business" part of the conversation, I tried to talk about more casual matters, but she seemed all cold and aloof. It was most depressing. I mean you try to be nice and ask her about the work and if she likes it and if she has been in it for long and all you get are monosyllabic replies. When I asked her if she liked what she did, she said she had no "fucking" choice. I thought she was trying to crack a pun and so I laughed. It did not go down well.
It would not be overstating the facts to say that the "date" ended somewhat awkardly.
Tueday, 5 PM saw me outside her door. I had left the condom packet at home and I was worried. I mean, this is a whore we are talking about here. So when she opened the door, I got straight to the point. I said, "You don't have AIDS, do you !?! I have left the packet of condoms at home." and she was all like, "Good eveni--, what!?! Fuck no.." and I was like, "Prove it." and she got all angry. But she went and got test results from the doctor anyway and they were negative. Then she said, "I would ask you for proof, if I wasn't so Goddamned certain you hadn't come within ten feet of a cunt before." Which I thought was mean and also, unprofessional. I said so but she just told be to shut it and get to the fucking.
The shagging was strictly OK. It wasn't what I had been led to believe. My pal had said the bitch had a tight one but I thought it was wide, so he must have been fucking lying. But hey, I had fucked someone, so that was something.
I dressed up and got ready to leave. I was almost out of the door when she screamed, "Where the fuck do you think you're going!?! You owe me 50 bucks, you bastard." The cunt. I was having none of that shit. I mean really. "I'm not paying you, bitch.", I said drawing myself up to my full height, "You said you were free on Tuesdays." It wasn't about the money, it was about principle. It pains me to tell you, dear readers, that at this point, she went bananas and started screaming "You bastard"s and "Fuck you"s and whatnot. Which was unnecessary and uncalled for, but I thought I would cut her some slack since she was a woman and I am naturally given to chivalry. But then she attacked me. I mean like, physically. That is just not ON. So I pushed her to the floor and she stayed there cursing and said, "Get the fuck out of my apartment." So, of course, I turned to leave and she shouted, "I have syphillis..."
Bitch.
So I got this address of a prostitute from a pal two weeks ago, because I had turned 26 and was still a virgin and that's against God's will. I called her up and we agreed to meet at the local Starbuck's to talk and set up a "date" as she put it. I thought it was unnecessary, but she said she preferred it this way because she wanted to "make it more than just a physical thing" for her customers. So I thought I would go along with it. After all, I wanted to make sure she was worth fucking before I committed myself. I imagine I would get fairly pissed off if I were to go to her boudoir and get naked and then have her come out and find she was ass ugly. So, anyway, I walked into the place and looked around and I saw her. I was almost certain it was her of course, because all the other girls in the place were titless. Oh, apart from that half Latino barista, and I'm pretty sure she was not the one. Her face was a turn off. Anyway, back to the whore. Like I said, I was almost certain. But I had to make sure, of course. So I asked her, "Are you the whore I will be fucking !?!" And the bitch went all, "Shhh..." and looked around all embarassed. Because, you know, she was just racist and did not want to be seen as a servicer of brown guys. I was having none of that shit. I have my pride. So I said, "Well !?!" And she went all red and quiet and said, "Yes... yes..". And I said, "Good. Time and place please." And she gave me her address and said, "I'm free on Tuesday between 5 and 7." Having finished the "business" part of the conversation, I tried to talk about more casual matters, but she seemed all cold and aloof. It was most depressing. I mean you try to be nice and ask her about the work and if she likes it and if she has been in it for long and all you get are monosyllabic replies. When I asked her if she liked what she did, she said she had no "fucking" choice. I thought she was trying to crack a pun and so I laughed. It did not go down well.
It would not be overstating the facts to say that the "date" ended somewhat awkardly.
Tueday, 5 PM saw me outside her door. I had left the condom packet at home and I was worried. I mean, this is a whore we are talking about here. So when she opened the door, I got straight to the point. I said, "You don't have AIDS, do you !?! I have left the packet of condoms at home." and she was all like, "Good eveni--, what!?! Fuck no.." and I was like, "Prove it." and she got all angry. But she went and got test results from the doctor anyway and they were negative. Then she said, "I would ask you for proof, if I wasn't so Goddamned certain you hadn't come within ten feet of a cunt before." Which I thought was mean and also, unprofessional. I said so but she just told be to shut it and get to the fucking.
The shagging was strictly OK. It wasn't what I had been led to believe. My pal had said the bitch had a tight one but I thought it was wide, so he must have been fucking lying. But hey, I had fucked someone, so that was something.
I dressed up and got ready to leave. I was almost out of the door when she screamed, "Where the fuck do you think you're going!?! You owe me 50 bucks, you bastard." The cunt. I was having none of that shit. I mean really. "I'm not paying you, bitch.", I said drawing myself up to my full height, "You said you were free on Tuesdays." It wasn't about the money, it was about principle. It pains me to tell you, dear readers, that at this point, she went bananas and started screaming "You bastard"s and "Fuck you"s and whatnot. Which was unnecessary and uncalled for, but I thought I would cut her some slack since she was a woman and I am naturally given to chivalry. But then she attacked me. I mean like, physically. That is just not ON. So I pushed her to the floor and she stayed there cursing and said, "Get the fuck out of my apartment." So, of course, I turned to leave and she shouted, "I have syphillis..."
Bitch.
4 comments:
It's a little harsh, but I laughed
That's nice to know. I was actually afraid I would offend.
I was angry though. :)
It's hard to take your anger seriously when it's followed by a smiley face :)
No one takes my anger seriously, no one.
Well, screw everyone. I'll show you.. I'll show you all !!!
..
..
..
:)
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